Would you kill yourself with me?
If I found true love, but I would have to be terminally ill to do so, what would my emotions be?
I have thought about this constantly. If only true love were to appear to me if I were to become terminally ill, it would drastically change my thinking on the subject. I have written about true love before with the main subject always being that there is always something that is lost when the love is found. If the part that is lost once the love is found was my life then how would I feel?
I have been trying to come up with multiple diseases that would end up killing me in the end, but for each that I've written out, I have yet to choose one that I really enjoy. The following table consists of my thinking process as to which debilitating/terminal illness that I've thought about.
|AIDS/HIV||HIV Survivor/Someone not willing to be sexual||Can infect anyone I dislike||Watch as my body wittles away to nothingness||Emotional Bipolar Disorder/Mood Swings|
|Flesh-Eating Bacteria||Someone that sees through the outside looks/blind person/online person||Never really have to meet in person||Never meet them, hard to look good again||Poor - I no longer look normal/Can play monsters in horror movies|
|Never-Ending Comatose||Imaginary||Could be whatever I want to be||Wouldn't know if it's real or not||Lucid Dream/ Possibly never waking - No new memories of living|
|Syphallis - Stage 3||Sexual Partner (Although they might've left)||Could say that I've had sex||Bodily function shutting down/Living off of machines||Died by not being protected with sexual partner (easily could've protected myself)|
|Terminal Flu||Anyone||Possibly hangout outside the hospital until separation by death||Died by Simple Disease||False sense of hope of possible survival/leaving known person depressed.|
I took cancer off of the list because it is overplayed through the main stream media and in many Romantic movies/television shows of the twenty-first century. Many of the emotions that I've listed in the above table could be the exactly the same for each disease. For example, the false sense of hope of possible survival applies to each and every one of the diseases that will ultimately kill someone. There will come times that the doctors will believe that the disease is going away, and the sensation of finally being able to leave the hospital overcomes you, only to be told maybe a day later that the disease has come back. Also, the person that will be the true love could also be anyone, not someone that necessarily has to meet certain criteria.
All that is left after figuring this all out, is the same as the problem with humanity. The knowledge of something to come and the knowledge of being. For example, let's say that I'm going to die by a terminal illness and someone and I fall in love with each other during my illness. I know that my time is coming to an end and her time with me is coming to an end with that. She will be with me until the end of my life, but I won't be with her until the end of hers, so the only question I have is, "Would you kill yourself with me?" That way her and I can live the rest of our lives with one another. She won't have the memory imprinted in her brain of watching my body go from living to the limp lifeless sack as all that is keeping me alive fails.
Upon finding true love when death is around the corner is either the best or worst feeling in the world. One the one hand, I have finally found my love, but on the other hand, I will be leaving them behind without me. They will be in my remianing life, but I won't be in their remaining life, so I ask them again, "Would you kill yourself with me?"