Random Thoughts - Thoughts in the A.M.
It's past three in the fucking morning and I'm laying in my bed awake. I don't know a reason why I am, I could fall asleep at any moment, but for some reason, my body is telling me, "Stay awake man, just a little bit longer." But for what? What will this achieve me? In a couple of hours, the sun will rise. In less time, my father will awake for the day and in the meantime, I am just fucking laying here. Couldn't I at least be somewhat productive? There are a ton of things that I can do while laying in my bed. For instance, I can constantly update my social network feeds even though everyone posting is long since been in a slumber. I could continue with a book that I've been reading because it makes me feel emotions and could put me to sleep immediately. I could ask Alexa to play me some indie music so I would be lost in other people' perfections. Instead, though, I am laying her in complete silence, or at least the silence that combines with the summer nights.
By staring off into the distance for prolonged periods of time, I can make my eyes go partially blind. They will begin seeing patterns, but slowly the light from the center of my sight will fade to darkness and eventually it will engulf the remaining eyesight. I've never made it to fully engulfing my eyesight because if I move my eyes at all, they reset and I can see again.
I could reminisce in the past, but to what reason would I? I've thought of it previously and I cannot change anything from my past. The girl I cheated on will still have a hatred towards me for my acts. My parents will still think I was a terrible child to raise because I stole anything and everything I could. It was all for the attention though. So I ask again, why would I reminisce in the shitty past?
I could fantasize about selling my body off. I could lay here and think of my persona that I'd have for it. I've told friends before that my stripper name would be space cowboy because I would show people things that are out of this world and because I'm southern. It would make them giggle, but I know it'd be a failed occupation for me because I am a little too overweight for the standard stripper. No girl appreciates fat strippers, nor would they want to pay for that when they have their husbands at home for it.
I lay here and yet nothing comes to mind for me to do. It isn't like I could just leave the house because my father sleeps right next tot the garage. I'd wake him and then he'd constantly wake me up in the morning before he leaves for work as payback. It's bad enough that I barely get any sleep now, but if he did that, I'd get no sleep.
I could just forego the sleep and become a hallucinating bimbo in the next day. As I'm a passenger in a vehicle, I'd visualize hazards in the road only making it harder for the driver. Maybe I could be visited by a celebrity hallucination. That'd be weird. Imagine having Ellen Page visit you after playing Beyond: Two Souls. Shit, I'd be scared that Aiden would kill me. (By the way, if you haven't heard of or played Beyond: Two Souls, it is an interactive story game starring Ellen Page as a girl tied to a demon, Aiden, and Willam Dafoe as a scientist trying to look after Ellen). I'd freak if I saw her. Also, she is so amazing and I'd be lucky to meet her one day. Anyway, yeah that could happen.
Also, last but not least, I could just perish. My overstrained body for doing nothing could just decide to stop working and that'd be the end of me. What a gratifying end, huh? I'd die without any notice with no explainable cause. I'd surely freak my family out.
Anyway, I think that I should get back to laying here, hoping that my eyes finally close, putting me in a temporary comatose state and waking up anywhere from three to ten hours from then. Goodnight.