Tormented Dreams [No. 4]
*Disclaimer, all actual names have been changed to different ones to keep the identities of the actual people a secret. If by chance the reader interprets the text as someone they know, or are they themselves, then that is by the interpretation of the reader and not the interpretation of the writer. *
Again, tonight I was visited, but not by the usual suspect. This time it was a different person. Two to be me exact. Three if pets are counted. I'll start with the pet.
When I moved to live with my father, he had recently bought a new dog, an Alaskan malamute, Tundra. As instinct for Tundra, when a new person tried to enter the den, there would be a power struggle. She will want to stay above the new person, me, and I would want to place above her on the metaphorical totem pole because I am technically the superior race. For the first year, she would disobey me and try to steal all my food, so we did have some more physical altercations. I honestly believe that over the time of that year, that I may have done harmful damage to her. Although none of it showed, I am still haunted by her because I still feel as though I had caused her premature death. She often appears in my dreams to remind me just how much pain and joy that she had filled me with. I miss her very much, but the void that she left in me is nothing compared to the void she left in my father.
Next person that visited me upon my twisted nightmare was my fifth grade teacher, Mr. U. However, my depiction of him in my dream was vastly different thatn how he really was. He usually dressed in a polo and jeans as he barely taught us taht year, but in my dream, he was now a high school teacher, that dressed of old English royalty with silk garbs. His classroom was in a duplex behind the main school building but his teachings didn't really differ much. During clas, he would just talk to us as though we all were his old drinking buddies. He taught philosophy, and believe that talking was the main thing needed for the creation of philosophy. He often would take the class into the nearby city to get specialty hamburgers at a join around the corner from his mansion, which he also invited us to hangout as well. Not many of us hesitated on either offer because we got to skip school for the day because it was counted as a field trip, and he was still technically teaching us because he would talk to us. I really can only think of one reason for why he would haunt me in my dreams. For my birthday that year, my father, who at the time I didn't live with and barely saw throughout the year, had made me a mix CD of all the songs that I enjoyed to listen to. I enjoyed it so much that I brought it with me everywhere I went. Mr. U knew this and asked me if we could listen to it for ambiance music for the class while we worked on the random classwork that he would give us because he was a bit too lazy to teach us. I agreed because he said he would give it back to me after a week, but alas, he never did. Thea year came to and end shortly after. When I tried to visit his classroom during the next school year, I learned that he was fired from the school district because he was yelling at lesser intelligent students for being of lesser intelligence. Their parents thought that they were the brightest of all the students, but the lesser intelligent student's grade did not match the parent's expectations and needed to blame someone, but they wouldn't blame their own children because that would be so terrible, so they blamed the teacher and got him fired all because he told lesser intelligent students that they were of lesser intelligence A.K.A. the truth. It has been almost a decade now since then, and I have yet to see him again and receive my CD back.
Lastly, the third person that visited me was my college girlfriend, Nicoline. For some reason, she came and went just like she did in real life. In my dream, I had asked her out to a movie date and she agreed to it. We went on that singular date and afterward decided that it would be in our best interest to 'go steady' with one another; however, our relationship then became only text messages back and forth with longer time periods between replies to a point where a reply became rare. She had come into my life and then without a reply back, had left it just as quickly. Is the lack of a relationship time also correlate to how much time I personally put into the real relationship? I can honestly state that during our actual relationship, I was not myself, but a failed portrayal of the person I used to be. I didn't put my all into the relationship and thus it had already terminated even though both parties were too naive to notice such.
Are these the reason that I'm being visited by past ghosts? Past faceless? Or are the reasons for being haunted different than what I came up with? I do not have the knowledge to fix my problems, so I ask myself, are these hauntings my way of coping with my wrong-doing? If by some reason I wish to torture my mind constantly until I am engulfed by regret being the wasy I can cope, then so be it. Who is next to haunt me? Who will be the next person to victimize me, and who will be the newest addition to the list of people that currently haunt me?