Life Through the Eyes of An Idiot
This blog is no means supposed to be offensive. This is a re-telling of actual events that occurred in my lifetime, and are about me and possibly some other people depending on the story. These are true stories and they are meant to be funny, but also educational because I do not want anyone to repeat anything that has been done because, at the time, I was a professional at what I did.
It all started long ago, in a place much further than where I am now... in a small town in North Carolina. It was a dark room and kids were screaming all about. It was indoor recess time and there were blocks, nerf guns, legos, and play-doh. All the kids were at various stations yelling and screaming at each other, even though they are only inches apart. I wondered how the Teacher could mind with all of us. I was quite the rambunctious child, running from station to station knocking other kids toys away from them because I was the Star Destroyer.
Eventually, I settled down, mostly because the teacher yelled at me, and I didn't like being yelled at. I was sitting at the play-doh station. There were many different colors, blue, green, red, purple. And there was a cup full of combined play-doh of all different colors. I picked up the combined play-doh because the rainbow-like colors made my eye glow with enthusiasm. I molded it with my hands and the air was releasing and it was making a farting sound.
After making the farting noise for a couple of minutes, I see a hole in the table that was probably meant to be held by a screw. I pick up the malformed play-doh and stick it into the hole. The hole filled quickly since the play-doh took the shape almost immediately, however, there were more holes on the table to fill. I felt as though it became my duty, no, my mission to fill all the holes on the table, so, one by one I fill the holes with the play-doh. It was as satisfying to me as it probably is for a smoker to smoke their first cigarette of the day. I was so happy, that this was a new type of drug to me. I had to fill all the holes that I can find; however, there were no holes left to fill on the table. There were no other students near me at the time, so I did what all kindergarten kids do, used myself as the medium. I know that my nose has holes and that my ears have holes too because we just learned about that before nappy time. I take the remaining play-doh into my hand, hold it up as though I was Luke Skywalker from the splash art on the front of Star Wars and start ripping little pieces off and shoving it up into my nose and my ears. Eventually, I got to the point of not being able to breathe through my nose, and all sounds became muffled.
Now let me recap everything so far. If you were a bystander to these lovely events, you just witnessed a five-year-old kid running around the room attacking other student's toys and they yell out, "Star Destroyer" and continue on with his normal routine. Then he was yelled at to calm down, so he sits at the play-doh table. Then you witness him start filling holes on the table and then hold on the play-doh as though he was holding up a dead frog, then watch as he repeatedly takes littles portions of the play-doh and sticks it into his nose and ears, but not too good at all, like you can definitely tell that there is something up his nose and play-doh is oozing out his ears. He looks like he beat himself up colorfully.
Everything became muffled, and the screaming classmates were no longer screaming, but their mouths stayed open. Everything smells of play-doh and when I try to breathe in through my nose it hurts. There is a terrible taste in my mouth and my head feels bloated. I run to the teacher, trying to tell her that I can smell and I can't hear, but when she replies back, I can only see her mouth moving, no sound is coming into my ears, but as she looks at me, she is horrified at what she sees.
As a bystander, you witnessed a small kid start looking concerned and trying to breathe through his nose but you can see that he is struggling and probably bringing the play-doh higher up his nose. His head is also starting to get red from his frantic ways of portraying concern. Also, the teacher is freaked out by him because he is starting to look like a goblin.
It took a couple of hours and multiple baths to get all the play-doh out of my nose and ears. I was later banned from using play-doh during recess due to my inability to know where it should and shouldn't go.
Again, I want to iterate that this is a true story, I really did stick play-doh up my nose and ears in kindergarten and it really did take quite a while to get it all out. I do not wish for others to do the same because it doesn't smell good nor does it feel good being in those places of the body.